“That’s horribly species-ist of you,” said the dragon.
Princess Louisa Verdantia Primavera Pastellori de la Rosa blinked. Then, as if to rectify her committing such a common action, she blushed. Coquettishly. Although she wasn’t quite sure what coquetting was, she was relatively certain it was something princesses did. “I beg your pardon?”
“Your assumption that I would kidnap you simply because I am a dragon and you are a princess, and that is simply what dragons do with princesses. I find it horribly species-ist. Perhaps I should assume that because you are a princess, you will squeal and carry on and faint at the very mention of blood?”
Louisa blinked again, trying to quell the nausea. “Of course not. I do not squeal, nor carry on, nor faint. I am a princess. At the most, I might swoon at the sight of– of blood.”
The dragon cleaned his teeth with one of his claws. “Well, that’s good to know. If I plan on killing anyone gruesomely in front of you, I will kindly ask you to shut your eyes, then.”
“Well, th-thank you, I think.” Louisa replied faintly.
“May I ask why, exactly, you thought it was a good idea to try to get kidnapped by a dragon?”
“Oh, that. Well, since my father went bankrupt fighting his brother for the crown, it’s been impossible to get any suitors. Mother suggested creating some sort of situation from which I needed to be rescued, and hoping that he didn’t ask too many questions until after the wedding. That’s how she landed father, after all. And a dragon seemed like the most economical answer, given our lack of funds and conveniently high towers.”
The dragon blinked, this time. “Wait, I’m just a path to a good marriage?”
“You decided that a fifteen ton killing machine without morals and with a reputed taste for human flesh and a well-known greedy streak was the best way to land a good husband?”
Louisa almost second-guessed herself, but she was a princess, and princesses do not back down. “Yes.”
“And you weren’t,” the dragon whispered, “For one second, worried that it might have detrimental consequences to yourself?”
“N-no.” she whispered, desperately trying not to gibber insanely because princesses don’t gibber…
The dragon snorted. Then he laughed. Then he collapsed on the floor, heaving with uncontrollable laughter.
For the third (and final, if she had anything to say about it) time, Louisa blinked. “What’s so funny?”
“Oh… oh,” the dragon wiped the tears from his eyes, “I was just thinking… you really would make a better dragon than a princess.”
“Oh!” Louisa gasped. “I would not!”
“You’re probably right.” the dragon said. “A dragon would have been smarter than to walk unarmed into an enemy’s home. But then… dragons are never unarmed.”
Louisa took a few steps back. “Yes, well, if you’re not going to kidnap me or anything I guess I had better be going…”
The dragon raised a scaly brow. “Who said I’m not going to kidnap you?”
“But… you said…”
“Just because you are species-ist doesn’t make you useless… or inedible, in fact.”